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WEDDING TIPPING ETIQUETTE
. . . a way of saying "thank you" for especially good service
By the time we are adults most of us
have learned the etiquette of tipping, having applied it in our everyday
lives. Tipping is a practice which originally was intended To Insure
Prompt Service (TIPS), and as a way of increasing your odds of
getting quality service. Today, most of us have come to expect good
service as a given and, even though we often don't get the service we
feel entitled to, tipping has remained a social norm, nevertheless.
People in service businesses have come to expect a tip. Whether it's a
wait person, a bellhop or your hair stylist, tips are "counted" in the
monies they earn.
The issue of tipping is one in which many people find that doing what's
right is confusing. With weddings, most caterers follow the European
custom where a service charge is added to the bill and a tip or gratuity
is added by the customer on top of it. The caterer may point out that he
and his staff are personally responsible for the client's happiness at
their special event, and if the client is pleased with the service, it
is customary to add a tip/gratuity on top of the bill. In order to avoid
any misunderstandings, it's important for the client to understand what
and how much he or she is paying. It is recommended every catering
client should get an itemized bill, in advance of the affair, which
includes an explanation of service charges, tipping and gratuity
policies.
Tipping as wedding protocol is, however, a bit more complicated and has
some of its own rules. As with other services we receive, tipping is
based on the level of care that exceeds our expectation of what a
service provider offers. The amounts stated here are suggested
guidelines. It is still appropriate to follow your own feelings in
making a decision about how much to tip.
Customers need to thoroughly read the contract and to ask questions.
Most caterers add the gratuity of 18% to 20% right onto the bill. That
gratuity is sometimes called a service fee or service charge. It is an
extra line on the bill in addition to food and bar. Wording differs from
caterer to caterer, so customers need to be sure that they understand
the bill in general and, in particular, they need to know much of the
service charge the wait persons and other staff are actually getting
paid.
Most caterers say that customers are not expected to tip "on top," but
point out that many people choose to do so. It is the caterer's
responsibility to make it clear to customers, up front, in what way the
staff is taken care of and if anything additional is required.
It is really important for you to be open and forthcoming with your
caterer, catering manager or restaurant owner. Ask if they have a policy
and, if so, what it is. Gratuities relating to food services are often
automatically included in the bill, so make sure to read your
contract carefully. The gratuity may be calculated based on the
number of guests or on the total amount of the bill and usually is paid
for prior to the reception. The customary amount is between 15% and 20%.
If, at the reception, the food services person goes out of his or her
way for you and your guests, you might add a tip of $1-$2 per guest,
after the reception. Tipping a hostess, maitre D' or captain would fall
between 1% and 2%.
Waiters and waitresses are usually tipped between 15% and 20% of
the food bill, assuming such tips are not already included in the bill.
If, during the reception, a particular server has made an effort "above
and beyond," you may, of course, choose to give that individual an
additional tip.
Bartenders are also tipped between 15% and 20%, based on the bar
bill. An additional 10% above the gratuity is not uncommon. What is most
important with reference to the bar is that it be made absolutely clear
that the bartender may not accept tips from your guests. A sign placed
at the bar that says "No Tipping Please," should cover that contingency.
The concept of tipping is that it should be based on service. The
premise then should be that tipping should ultimately be up to the
client's discretion. It is customary for people to tip after a wedding
and that their tips are based on the quality of the service they have
received.
Some Caterers follow the industry-wide standard of adding a 15%-20%
gratuity to the catering bill. If the service they received is
exceptional, additional tips would be appreciated, but by no means is it
a rule to clients indicating who should get what and how much the tips
should be.
Restroom, coat check, valet person and parking attendants are
ordinarily prepaid and usually tipped between $1 and $2 per coat or car.
The calculation may also be based on a per guest tip in the range of
fifty cents. It may well be to your advantage to arrange a flat fee
prior to your event.
Limousine drivers are usually tipped between 15% and 20% of the
bill. Once again, should you feel you were given special service, you
have the option of adding to the standard tip amount. It should again be
emphasized that you need to read your contract carefully, so you don't
double tip.
Musicians, including DJs, may be tipped if their
performance is exceptional. The amount of the tip is in the range of $25
per band member or, in the case of a DJ, 15% of their total bill. The
tip (in essence, the fee) for church organists and church musicians is
usually included in the rental fee for the church. Where this is not the
case, a gratuity in the range of between $35 and $50 is appropriate. If
the organist and/or musicians/soloist are close friends of the couple or
of the family, the average gratuity is $75.
Florists, photographers and bakers are not ordinarily tipped, nor do
they expect to be. A flat fee is paid, in advance, for their
services. Again, if service is extraordinary, a tip in the range of 15%
is appropriate.
Wedding etiquette says that an officiant is "never tipped," but
judges break that rule, because, in their cases, tipping actually takes
the place of a fee for service rendered and is the only payment the
officiant receives. Clergy persons may be comfortable accepting a
donation for their organization. Years ago it was considered improper to
ask a set fee for officiant services rendered. Today, you may find
mention of a "suggested donation." The average gratuity starts at $75,
more if travel time is involved or if you feel so inclined. Most couples
rarely feel comfortable giving less than a hundred dollars for the
wedding officiant. It's appropriate for the donation to be given to the
best man before the ceremony. Following the proceedings, it is
appropriate for him to give the "fee" to the officiant. A civil
officiant (e.g., judge, Justice of the Peace, City Clerk, etc.) is not
allowed to accept a tip or donation for a wedding ceremony performed
during court /office hours. After hours, they may accept a "donation'
(gratuity) of up to $75. To make sure you are within the legal
guidelines of your locale, check with your officiant for specifics.
Make sure that you plan to include tips in your budget, because,
depending on the size of your affair, tipping costs can become quite
substantial, easily increasing your costs by hundreds or even thousands
of dollars.
Plan ahead by selecting a designated tipper, your wedding consultant,
best man, or anyone with whom you are comfortable to handle this task.
Prior to the wedding, talk to him or her about your views on tipping and
explain what parameters to follow on the day of the wedding.
It appears that although tipping is said to be optional, it has become
fairly obvious that it is almost always expected. Even the amount of
tips, although again presumably optional and at your discretion, seem to
be "set." Use the information you have about averages, as well as your
personal feelings. Keep in mind, that above all, service comes first and
a tip is a concrete way to thank people based on the level of service
they provide and to recognize those who went out of their way to ensure
your day was as memorable as it can be.
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