FAQ
This page will
contain Questions asked by our visitors, sponsors and couples.
It is in the
process of being developed, so please drop by again to get the most
updated page.
If you have any questions, please feel free to forward
them to:
QUESTIONS@InternetWeddingPlanner.com They will be included on
this page in the future.
Diamonds
- What is the difference between an engagement ring and
a wedding band?
- Why a diamond?
- Why is the wedding ring worn on the 4th finger?
Attendants
- When should I choose my attendants?
- Do my attendants have to be of my own gender?
- Do I have to choose one attendant to be my honor
attendant?
- How many attendants do I need?
- Is it necessary to have equal numbers of groomsmen
and bridesmaids?
- What roles can people who are not attendants play?
Rings
- If you have both an engagement and a wedding ring, which
goes on the outside?
Cameras
- Should I have disposable cameras on the tables?
Showers
- Who can
host a shower?
- If the people at work give me a shower, do I have to
invite them to the wedding?
- Is it OK to include the bride's registry information
with the shower invitation?
- What are some possible shower themes?
- Can I have a co-ed shower?
The Rehearsal Dinner
- What kind of rehearsal dinner is acceptable?
- Who is invited to the rehearsal dinner?
- Who hosts the rehearsal dinner?
Gifts (advice for the bride and groom)
- Should I register for gifts?
- What should I register for?
- How will people find out about my registry?
- What do I do with gifts received before the wedding?
- What is the difference between an engagement ring and
a wedding band?
-
The engagement
ring is traditionally given by a man to a women to symbolize the intent for
marriage. It is usually presented when the man proposes to the woman and is
worn throughout the engagement. Traditionally the engagement ring has a
single diamond in it. This is called the diamond solitaire. It is not
uncommon to see people use a variety of rings as symbols of their
engagement. This FAQ deals solely with the purchase of diamonds. Finally,
the wedding band is traditionally a gold band with no seams. This continuity
is supposed to symbolize the eternal bond of marriage. These are presented
to one and other at the wedding ceremony.
- Why a diamond?
-
The diamond
being the hardest substance on earth was valued as early as the 15th
century. The first diamond engagement ring was given in 1477 by Archduke
Maximilian of Austria to Mary of Burgundy. The wedding took place 24 hours
later. In these times, diamonds were uncut, so they were valued as a symbol
of strength and protection, not beauty. This is where the tradition began.
- When should I choose my attendants?
- It is generally not a good idea to select attendants more than a year
before the wedding, because who is close to you will probably change
over time. It is very difficult to back out of having asked someone
to be your attendant. It is acceptable to ask several people to attend
you but not choose one of them to be an honor attendant until closer
to the wedding.
- How many attendants do I need?
- This is entirely up to you, though you may want to take into account the
traditions in your area. You can have none, one, six...whatever seems
suitable. That said, the number of attendants does tend to increase
with the formality and size of the wedding, so that some people will
probably think it a bit silly to have six bridesmaids when there are
only 50 guests in an afternoon garden wedding.
- Is it necessary to have equal numbers of groomsmen
and bridesmaids?
- No.
It is OK to have ushers who are not groomsmen, in that they do not stand
up with the groomsmen and bridesmaids. This is sometimes a solution
when you need more ushers to direct the guests to their seats, but don't
want to have twice as many groomsmen as bridesmaids.
- What roles can people who are not attendants play?
- There are many possibilities for roles for people who are important to
you or want to help, but who you have not selected as attendants for one
reason or another.
* reading or performing musically during the ceremony
* guest book attendant
* responsibility for gift table
* responsibility for disposable cameras
* "wedding-day coordinator" - someone who is familiar with the wedding
and is empowered to make decisions for you, so the caterer, musicians,
etc. can go to them rather than needing to talk to you.
* ceremony coordinator - responsible for cueing people - the bride, the
musicians, etc.
- If you have both an engagement and a wedding ring, which
goes on the outside?
- Traditionally, the engagement ring goes on the outside. The idea
is that
the wedding ring goes closer to the heart.
Another reason for doing this is that some people never want to take
their wedding ring off, while they may want to remove their engagement
ring for activities where it might become damaged.
During the wedding ceremony, this tradition can cause problems, and there
are two main solutions. The first is to switch the rings after the
ceremony,
while the other is to remove the engagement ring for the ceremony, perhaps
transferring it to the other hand, and then replacing it afterwards.
The
second is more suitable for people who prefer not to remove their wedding
ring.
- Should I have disposable cameras on the tables?
- Disposable cameras can be a fun way for your guests to amuse
themselves, and you may get some memorable photos out of them. They
work better with brighter lighting. This is not a substitute for
hiring a professional photographer or having a friend or relative with
a good camera take pictures. An alternative to disposable cameras
is to buy regular 35mm film and cheap 35mm cameras for people to take
pictures with at the reception; this will provide better picture
quality. Some people ask their guests to bring their own cameras and
provide 35mm film for the guests to use. The problem with this idea
is that many guests prefer to take pictures for their own use, as well
as pictures for the couple to have, and asking them to use their own
cameras to take pictures for you will probably deprive them of the
ability to take pictures for themselves.
You should appoint someone, such as a friend or relative who has asked
if there's anything they can do to help, to collect the cameras at the
end.
-
-
Anyone who isn't the mother or
sister of the bride. Because the point
of a shower is to "shower" the bride with gifts, it is inappropriate for
a very close relative to host it. The bridesmaids often host a shower.
It is important, when inviting people to a shower, to make sure only to
invite people who are also going to be invited to the wedding.
Remember,
the purpose of a shower is to give gifts, and it is rude to expect
someone to give a gift if they aren't important enough to be invited to
the wedding.
- What are some possible shower themes?
- There are any number of possible shower themes. Some examples are
a recipe shower, a lingerie shower, a kitchen shower, an "around the
clock" shower (where each guest is told to bring a gift that could
be used at a specific time of day), a bath shower, a hardware
shower, and a stationery shower.
It is not necessary to have a shower theme.
- Can I have a co-ed shower?
- Yes. Some people are finding that it is more congenial to have a
co-ed shower, particularly when the couple have many of the same
friends of both genders. In this case, one usually invites both the
bride and groom to attend (or plans it as a surprise for both the bride
and groom).
- What kind of rehearsal dinner is acceptable?
- You can have anything ranging from pizza or a barbeque at someone's
house all the way up to a fancy dinner at a nice restaurant where
everyone gets to choose anything they want from the menu. Which you
choose depends on your personality and your budget.
- Who is invited to the rehearsal dinner?
- Usually only those persons involved in the rehearsal and their spouses
or partners. Many people are now choosing to invite also those
out-of-town guests who have arrived by that time.
- Should I register for gifts?
- Most couples do register
for gifts, if only to let prospective gift-givers
know what patterns of china, silver, crystal, and stainless they've
selected.
Registering for gifts allows couples to let people know what kinds of
gifts they would like to receive. It is also possible to do this in
a less specific way, by telling your parents and members of the wedding
party what your general needs are. If you use a registry, these are
the
same people you will give the registry information to, and they will
tell people when they are asked.
Registering for gifts also allows you to have a better chance of not
receiving duplicate gifts, because a well-run registry will keep track
of what gifts have already been purchased. You can also call the
store where you have registered when you receive gifts purchased elsewhere,
and they will update their lists to reflect that you've received these
items.
However, no one should ever feel obligated to buy something that you have
registered for, and if they select a different gift for you, it is not
appropriate to criticize their choice of gift because it was not on your
registry. There are many reasons why people choose not to use your
registry; some feel that a gift is more personal if they select it
themselves, others have a brilliant gift idea for you and never even
think of consulting the registry, and still others simply never hear
about the registry.
- What should I register for?
- You can register for almost anything. Most people register for
china, silver, crystal, and stainless, because it is traditional
to receive a set of these things as wedding gifts. However, that
does not mean you must register for these things, though you should
be aware that some prospective gift-givers may be disappointed, because
they wanted to give these things to you and can't do so if you haven't
selected a pattern.
It is a good idea to register for gifts in a variety of price ranges,
so all guests will be able to find something they like and can afford.
Some people are of the school of thought that you should only register
for things you think you will actually receive. This means you would
figure out how much money each of your guests was likely to spend, and
register for gifts in that approximate total dollar amount.
Other people believe you should register for what you really want, and
expect that you will only receive some of it.
These two schools of thought tend to come into conflict over decisions of
whether to register for a less expensive china pattern you like, or a
more expensive one you absolutely adore. You should make such a
decision
based on whether you would rather have a few place settings of the one
you adore, or many place settings of the one you like.
If you choose to register in a nontraditional place, such as a home
center or hardware store, or you choose to register only for nontraditional
items, you should be aware that some prospective gift-givers will be
dissuaded from buying anything from your registry because they only want
to give gifts of "lasting value", things that are likely to become
heirlooms.
It is possible to register now at your travel agent or at a bank, for
money toward a house or some such. This is considered tacky by many
people, just as many people consider it tacky to request money as a
gift. That is not to say you shouldn't do it; merely that you should
be
aware of this possible reaction.
- How will people find out about my registry?
- People will find out about your registry in one of three ways:
*By asking someone, like your parents or members of the wedding party.
*By receiving a shower invitation, which might include information
about where you are registered.
*By going to a store and checking there to see if you are registered.
It is generally considered to be inappropriate to mention your registry
in your invitations, because it might imply that you were expecting to
receive gifts from people you invited to your wedding.
I think whether or not it would be OK to mention your registry on a WWW
page you created about your wedding, or a newsletter you mailed to your
guests about the wedding separately from the invitation, is a more
nebulous area. If I were pressed, I would probably think it was more
acceptable on a WWW page than in a newsletter, because someone has to
explicitly choose to access the information on the WWW page, while if you
mail it to them, it's more like you're forcing it on them.
- What do I do with gifts received before the wedding?
- Any gifts you receive before the wedding, whether they are engagement or
wedding gifts, should be opened and thank-you notes written. However,
you
should bear in mind that if anything should happen so that the wedding
cannot take place, you are responsible for returning the gifts to the
givers. Therefore, it is a bad idea to use the gifts before the
wedding,
and you should keep all the original packaging.
Gifts of money should not be spent, but instead set aside, perhaps in your
new joint bank account, until after the wedding. All checks should
definitely be deposited into a bank account, because it is annoying to
the giver when you wait a long time to deposit a check.
©
2003 Internet Wedding
Planner
WebMaster@MandeWebDesign.Com
Site
Designed by:
MandeWebDesign.Com
Revised:
04/07/03.